Satan is REAL

 I have heard time and time again that Satan will utilize whatever power necessary and those are closest to us to win his war against us doing those things that make our Heavenly Father happy. I have seen things first hand in my life and in the lives of those around me how true this statement is and can be. I have tried endlessly over the last 19 years of Kaitlyn's life to protect her from having to have that reality check but today, she unfortunately faced Satan face to face in form of her own Dad.

When Kaitlyn arrived to church she chose to leave her cell phone in the car. She still had her watch on but wanted the distraction of her phone put aside so she made the choice. As her and I sat on the stand and as Sacrament meeting began all seemed well. We had plenty of our ward members in attendance and we had sent texts to family and friends with the link to our meeting so they too could enjoy listening to Kaitlyn speak before she leaves on her mission. Kaitlyn also chose, and felt good about the choice, to send the link to her Dad so he could listen and/or pass it on for his family to watch as well.

Kaitlyn began her talk and she crushed it! She spoke of her own testimony and she was literally glowing. She was radiating this pure love of our Savior and the blessings that have come into her life by being a member of this Church and making and keeping covenants. Her nor I knew at the time of her speaking that the internet froze and so those who were attending virtually never got to hear her finish her talk. 

As she sat down next to me and as I took my place to share my words I had prepared I could almost sense a heaviness that had taken over behind me. Kaitlyn was sitting on the bench just to the left of the pulpit and I could feel her paying attention but I knew something was 'up'. As I sat down she just looked deflated. Almost like someone had given her some terrible news that she was trying to process.

We sat together as our meeting came to a close and her watch was relentlessly going off with text messages. Normally I don't look, I don't care and I trust that if she wanted to share with me she would. But I couldn't quick looking. It was a group chat that her Dad had started with her, her uncle and his girlfriend, her aunt and her husband, and her grandparents. As soon as the video feed froze they immediately started to blame Kaitlyn as though she was the one who did it to make sure they were kept out of this special day for her. The blame then turned to me. That I was the one sabotaging the meeting because I didn't want them involved. They said some completely disrespectful things about the Church in texts, and my sweet Kaitlyn was forced to endure them until she could get to her phone and turn off the notifications and/or leave the chat.

When we got home Kaitlyn said she was going to go out to her Dad's to say goodbye, this was afterall the start of her mission this next week and it will be 18 months before she will have the ability to 'see' him again. I tried to warn her, told her of my concerns, but ultimately she is 19 years old and has the ability to make this choice herself. So she left. And I worried immediately. 

Kaitlyn returned home not too long after she left. She must have spent maybe 20 minutes at her Dad's is all. But the moment she walked into our home both Tyler and I knew instantly that it did not go well. Her eyes were puffy and red. Her cheeks swollen from rubbing them. Her head heavy and hung. Her shoulders slumped. I asked if she wanted to talk about it as she was heading down the stairs and she simply nodded her head no and said ' not yet '. 

After dinner had been done I found some time in my room with Kaitlyn. We were both snuggled into a chair and she was beginning to open up. Tyler walked in as well and she began to tell us both that her Dad basically said he was looking forward to her going to Brazil. To be re-converted to the true church (the Catholic Church). He tried to still place blame on her that she ruined his chance to watch her speak. That she was making sure that her mission was all about her and her Mom. (Which by the way, I am totally ok with. He doesn't support her in this choice she has made for herself. He hasn't been kind about this choice. And he certainly hasn't put in effort as a parent to deserve, in my opinion, to be part of something so great and take any credit for where she is right now.) Tyler got upset and left the room and then it ALL came out.

Kaitlyn said her Dad told her she wasn't smart enough to go to Brazil. She was ignorant to think that she is grown up enough to handle such a request. She said the thing that hurt the most was when he called her stupid and when he told her basically that he can't wait for her to come home early because she can't do a mission. He can't wait for her to come home early....so he can what? Tell her she isn't good enough? He has done that plenty of times over the course of 19 years. 

As Kaitlyn spoke these words and as tears streamed from her eyes, she began to ask me "Mom, what if he is right? What if I can't do this?" Never have I had such strong hate for a person as I did in that very moment. How is it that a parent, someone who claims to have the want to be a Dad, talk so poorly to their own child? How is that he felt he could demean, belittle, and ridicule her? How is it that the verbal, emotional, spiritual, and mental abuse is still going strong after 19 years? 

Thankfully, Kaitlyn and I have a wonderful relationship and friendship. She is open with me. She trusts me, and I trust her. We talked about how Satan clearly stepped up his game today and attacked through a parent who Kaitlyn is trying to still believe has her best interests at hand. Satan went right to the source to get to her. To get under her skin and make her immediately question who she is, what she is doing, is being a member of this Church right, can she really do hard things, and is she a fool who is walking in to fail? As we talked and cried, I kept a prayer burning in my heart that she would be able to immediately feel some peace from the Holy Ghost. That she would know without a shadow of a doubt that her Heavenly Father is SO DANG PROUD of her and that He will always always have her back, in all things. We processed these things together. I was vulnerable and honest with her after 19 years of not being so when it came to her Dad. 

I promised Kaitlyn that as long as she will trust in her Heavenly Father, He will never leave her side. He knows the sacrifice she is making to serve a mission and He is thrilled beyond words that she has chosen to do so. I reminded her that she is a daughter of our Heavenly Father and He knows all the struggles she is facing and will yet face. I reminded her that He just needs to be trusted so He can step in and take those struggles from her. I promised her that no matter what, Tyler and I will ALWAYS be here cheering her on in all things. We will always be here for anything she needs. But mostly that we love her and man alive are we overwhelmed with pure joy for the choices she is making. Not just to go on a mission but in all things. 

I don't want to dwell on this much longer but I want to write in order for Kaitlyn to be able to look back and see that Satan is real. He will use whatever avenue he can in order to attack those who are moving the work of the Lord along. I want to remind Kaitlyn in all things that she conquered this early on in life and she trusted in her Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and has continued to do remarkable things. I am so thrilled to see where Kaitlyn heads next and where these choices she is making take her. Remember always, trust, believe, love, and He will do those things He has always promised.

I love you forever to the moon and back,

Missionary Momma