To: Kaitlyn.garcia@missionary.org
From: Mom
Subject: A little overwhelming
Happy happy day to you! How are you doing? How is the Flonase working
out for you? Feeling better? I am not going to apologize for this weeks
email...it is going to be long and I know that as I get started typing. I
want you to know how grateful I am for you for being my "safe" that I
can share all of this with and know that you have a great set of ears to
listen and great advice to pass on as you see fit. So...that being
said...
This week has been a week. Overwhelming, emotional, heavy, happy, sad,
joyful, excited, scared, thoughtful, full of questions, and yet at the
end of it all....peaceful. How's that for a description? Crazy what can
take place in the course of just 7 small days.
Monday was a good day. Obviously because I have the opportunity to talk
with you and catch up. I get to see your face and hear your voice. One
thing that remains constant is that you are either really good at
pretending to be happy or you are genuinely very happy. I choose the
latter because I think I'd like to know you better and would know if you
are trying to just put on a happy face. I would also like to believe
that you would trust me enough to share with me if you weren't. Not much
really happened after we talked. Tyler came home from dropping the camp
trailer for the campout this week and was frustrated but worked through
it. Ryan is supposed to go up with them and is the other camping
specialist but he all of a sudden has baseball games for Aidan and isn't
able to stay the night but is willing to try and come up for part of
the days. He also was supposed to take care of food and Tyler is
frustrated that he doesn't know if he should just take that as well or
what. He realized he was just nagging and being a bit of a downer
instead of being grateful he has a calling and an opportunity to serve
so he apologized. Small steps like that sure make a difference for me.
Tuesday was a day full of Tyler getting ready to get out of town. Ryan
has decided that he will go grocery shopping with Tyler since that is
what he said he would do (nice follow through) and that helped relieve
Tyler some. He recognizes that he isn't the best when it comes to food
shopping but he can do the prep and cooking just fine. We had the pool
cover company here to see if we can figure out a way to seal up the edge
of the pool at the end when the cover is on so that leaves and bugs and
crap don't get in. They have an option but it is not very aesthetically
great so I don't know what Tyler will choose to do. Charli had a
haircut and Brooklyn anxiously awaited the arrival of Cutler back in
Utah. So freaking funny. I ended up with a really great 2.5 hour nap on a
floatie in the pool and literally paid the price with super fried shins
for the evening. The only reason I woke up is because I was in the
corner of the pool down by the diving board and the vacuum came up to
clean the tile and scared the crap out of me! Thank goodness for burn to
brown because by the next morning I was feeling much better and was
even able to shave my legs!
I won't ever be able to really share or express my feelings from that
evening. But I want to share a couple of things with you. As I readied
myself for another missionary to be set apart in our home I wasn't sure
the feelings to expect or have come over me. I have been ready for
Christian to start this next phase and I know that if he will give his
all to it he will be an amazing missionary. But as soon as I saw your
face on the iPad and knew my whole group of kids would be in the same
room again for this experience, I was an immediate hot mess of feelings.
What a blessing to have the technology we have in our grasp today to be
able to have you join us so simply. What a blessing for Christian to
have his 'ride or die' with him on this night as he took this next step.
I imagine his heart had so much peace.
As I allowed the Spirit to fill my entire person I was so touched as
Christian shared his thoughts at the prompting of President Johnson.
Christian rarely shows emotion and so for the tears to come out of his
eyes and for him to be held back on words to say, I am unable to write
down the power of the Spirit that was here. I have always known the love
that has existed between both you and Christian when it comes to Tyler.
I have also always known the struggle it is to allow that to show
through and to be expressed because you have a Dad and that is not a
role that either of you nor Tyler has looked to replace. And I 1000%
respect that. But as Christian thanked Tyler and told him he looked up
to him and that he loved him, nothing else that Christian could have
said mattered anymore. What an incredibly tender moment for me to
witness between the two men that I love the very most. As Christian
spoke to me my heart was overflowing and then he moved onto Brooklyn.
Those two have never had a great relationship and the words he said to
her were touching. And she had tears in her eyes and finally looked away
because she sure wasn't going to give him the benefit of seeing her
cry! Funny!
And if all of this wasn't enough...Tyler called on you to offer a
closing prayer. I folded my arms and bowed my head. And then you spoke.
But not in English. It was in Portuguese and I could not contain the
tears any longer. What an amazing opportunity and blessing to be a Mom
to such an esteemed woman! To be able to listen to you speak in a
language I don't understand and to be able to hear the growth that has
come to you from committing yourself and your whole person to your
Heavenly Father. You are a pillar of strength and you make me want to be
a better person. What a super sacred moment had in our home. Thank you
for sharing that with me and with the rest of our family. Thank you for
your example and your perseverance and dedication to that of missionary
work. I am beyond words proud of all you are and all that you are
becoming each day.
Needless to say, I went to bed Tuesday evening with my heart
overwhelmingly full (and super happy that the Braves won their game
too). I was also ready for what Wednesday morning meant for our home
knowing it was another round of 6 weeks of the home MTC.
Wednesday started early. I woke up and headed to my favorite spot on the
deck. There is something almost magical as I open my scriptures and
have the sun rising. Winter is going to be hard to lose that space to I
can already tell. Tyler was leaving early to meet the young men at the
Bishops house to head up for their camping trip, Christian would be
showing his face in the kitchen as he readied himself for day 1, and
Brooklyn was looking forward to seeing Cutler because he is officially
back in Utah!!!
Christian presented excited but I could sense some nervousness and a
little anxiety about the unknown but he headed down and from what he
shared, he had a really good day. Most of the Elders are going to Africa
and his companion (from Bountiful) is headed to his same mission. There
is also another Elder that is going there as well. That makes my heart a
little more peaceful knowing that when he travels he won't be alone and
he will have some familiar faces along for the long day of flying as
well. I decided to take out the 3 trees out front that have been dead
now for years. The first two were simple enough. The last one..the one
by the bottom of the water feature that I put in last year to try and
save after Banning ripped it out...not easy at all. Like at all. I had
to walk away after it won a round of scratching a deep old scratch on my
arm by my elbow and ripping apart the skin on the top of my knuckle
through gloves!!! After I came inside and drank about a gallon of water
(it was hotter than heck!) I went back out and showed that dumb thing
who was the boss. I ripped that thing out and then had a moment of
'crap...now what?'. Tyler has his truck, I am not ready to conquer a
chainsaw to saw it down to fit in the garbage can, but...the trail is a
good place to hide a dead tree right? No...thankfully Elder Garcia was
willing to take a chainsaw to it and we tossed it in the trash.
I had Akalea and 3 of her kids up to swim in the afternoon. It was nice
to sit and visit with her without husbands around. Nice to just feel
like we could talk about anything and everything and not have them
taking any of our attention you know? Boston was at the Riddles playing
with Grayson and Brooklyn came out to swim for a little bit too. She was
dealing with some Jada drama, mostly that she is jealous that others
around her all have crushes and she doesn't, but Brooklyn took it head
on and face timed her with Lincoln and got it hopefully resolved. After
the swim fest Christian had his last class until 5:30 and then he and I
headed to the cabin to take care of the lawn mowing. Tyler had asked and
I told him I wasn't going back up there until our relationship is
solid. But then I got a motivational reminder on my phone that said
"Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction can be the biggest
step in your life" (Naeem Callaway). So, I drove up, turned the cameras
off so Tyler won't be able to see who it was that took care of the lawn
when he goes back when he has service, and I mowed and Christian weeder
eated. I filled the hummingbird feeders and watered the new trees for
him too. I even left the hose on and remembered 3/4 of the way home and
had to call in Annie for a favor to walk over and turn it off for me! I
caught her in the bath she said but she was happy to throw on a robe (I
am sure sans clothes underneath it too!) and turn it off for me. Thank
goodness for good neighbors right? I did not want to have to drive up
there on Thursday for that.
Thursday took a turn on the weather around here! Holy cow. I woke up to
gray skies and cold! 71' cold! Funny right? I sat outside for a minute
thinking I would be okay but then the rain started (yay! So happy to see
some weather) and I got serious goosebumps so I came back inside. I sat
down at my computer to get online and waste time on the Facebook or the
People magazine but got the feeling that my time could be better used
by sending a card or two to people in our ward. I hate these days
because it turns into feelings/promptings/whatever you want to call it
that I should send it to someone I usually don't want to. This time???
There were a few names and yes, some of them not people I would jump at a
chance to do but...I will admit that after filling out 11 personal
notes and stuffing them into envelopes and dropping them in the outgoing
mail, I feel good about it. And it isn't up to me how it is received on
their end but more that I followed the prompting I received.
I took Samantha Chelius to lunch today too. Her Dad is moving to Utah
and there is so much similarity between what she is experiencing to what
you have been through with your Dad and what I have been through with
my Dad that I asked Katherine if it would be okay to share with her. She
was so so grateful I would offer because she is trying her hardest to
never speak ill of her ex (even though it would be so much easier to do
so) but knows that Samantha could use some advice and reassurance that
her feelings are validated and that she has a choice in life as to who
she allows in. Parent or not you know? She loves her Mom so so much and
she was so cute to just listen to. She is so comfortable in her own skin
yet worries that others are judging her or making fun of her so she is
struggling with friends in life but she knows it is just a season too
and that as she goes to High School things will look different.
It rained and rained all day and I stayed in a sweatshirt and shorts (no
socks either) but I did have my small heater on under my desk while I
worked on Relief Society doc creating. I am going to do my best to try
and make this call the easiest it can be and not too overwhelming. We
don't have many babies being born (just the Payne's little boy due in
July) and we recently had a death (the neighbor next door who parks the
RV on the sidewalk...the old man/Dad died last week! Crazy right?!) but
other than that we have a low key needy ward so hoping that we don't
need a ton of fluff callings and we can make it fun for all to want to
be a part of and serve when needed. I also got Elder Garcia's passport
mailed downtown today. He had to re-send his Visa paperwork because the
email he had to send it to was different than the email he got recently
asking for it. I sure hope none of this holds him up for being able to
go. I would hate for him to be released and then have to be re-set apart
when it comes through.
Friday was low key SLLLLLOOOOWWW to start but you still have to put your
smile on and go do the things you know you need to. It was still a
chilly morning (like 63' chilly) and I got dressed thinking I would go
for a walk after the sun came out but I didn't. I sat on the porch with
the dog until about 7 (I was up at 6) and then I came inside and made
sure Elder Garcia was up...when I opened his door he jumped to his knees
for prayer. I worry a lot about him. I know I can't and that in the end
it will be him that gets what he puts in out of his mission but I still
worry. His schedule is not very full. Like at all. He starts class at
like 9 or 9:30 he said, he has plenty of breaks and a full hour I think
for lunch, then class again until 5 or 5:30. That is it. And he isn't
really putting much effort into the language study because they haven't
actually started those classes until Monday. So, he hangs out around the
house or goes on a golf cart ride with Brooklyn. I asked him last night
if he thought his schedule would change at all because he sure doesn't
seem like it is a foreign mission he is headed to. He said he thinks
come Monday it will be different. You just didn't have much down time
and if you did you were working so hard on learning your language that
it is just so different. I will keep him in my prayers and wish for the
best but my Mom worry radar is on high.
Plans today for me include finishing up some Relief Society documenting
on the google docs/spreadsheet. I also want to get an agenda created to
hand off to the secretary as well as a conducting sheet. I want to get
some teaching topics compiled so I can discuss those with a presidency
once called. I need to make it to Traverse Mountain to get some baby
gifts purchased (will you send me names of who is having babies and
which ones are having boy and which are having girl babies so I can
label them correctly before I hand them off to Julie please?), I need to
stop into Deseret Book to pick up a gift for Katherine since we are
being released on Sunday as a thank you, I have some small things I am
working on here at home, Herriman Days is in full force so hoping to see
some fireworks tonight from the deck I think but maybe they are
tomorrow?, I need to finish up some laundry, and the never ending task
of dusting stares me down even as I type this email. I despise dusting.
And before I know it it will be Saturday and Tyler will be home with the
trailer, which I am certain will need to be cleaned along with the rzr
and motorcycle he took up as well. The Herriman parade is Saturday
morning too. People have already lined the street with ropes and chairs
like they normally do. I don't know if we will walk down or not. I don't
know if there is a desire anymore. Brooklyn I think would rather sleep
in than be at a parade at 9am.....unless Cutler is going to be there.
She did say she wants to go to the carnival with Cutler, Lincoln,
Kinlee, and maybe Jada so who knows. We will just have to wait and see.
Saturday....and wow. I did literally nothing on my list of things
yesterday that I was hoping to do other than I finished one more sheet
on my Relief Society doc I am working on. Maybe I did a little laundry
too but that is about it. Not very productive. :/ Today I was up early
and decided I was going to get back to a walk each day. Even if it was
on a treadmill. But today I went 6 miles outside and it was lovely. My
hips are killing me and they are pretty angry at me but they will get
back into the swing of things in no time. I got home and got my bed
made, dusting done, and even vacuumed my bedroom and the hardwoods. I
got the flag things hung back up on the deck out back for the month of
July, and even showered and got ready. Not sure why at the moment
because I really want to get out back and get some sunshine at some
point today. The parade was in full swing by 10am and I was jamming to
the 90's as loud as I could with a missionary in the house and get away
with it to try to cover the noise. There was so much screaming until
about 10 minutes ago. Long parade. Glad I had kids who didn't seem to
really care if we were there or not.
Christian I am pretty sure is not making the 6:30am wake up call but I
have to let him do his mission. I went down at 6:45 before I left to go
for a walk and he jumped up again to prayer position. I hope things
start to get more of in a groove for him. Brooklyn is dreading 'girl
time' and is starting to feel the sore legs and stomach ache so she
started her day slowly. She is busy working on her bathroom and bedroom
though because Chow is coming over at 1 to hang out until they will meet
up with friends to go down to Herriman Days at 6. I imagine she will be
down there all night and watch the fireworks too. Crazy how fast you
all grow up. I am not so sure I love it but I am happy to see her happy
and with friends rather than not doing anything at all. Tyler is due
back sometime today. I don't know when. We haven't really had a chance
to talk much this week since he is out of service but I imagine it will
be in the next hour or two. Once he is home, I don't know what the plan
will be but we will play that one hour by hour just to be safe.
Annie up to the cabin asked if I wanted to go all day kayaking with her
and her friend on Thursday next week. I love that she thought of me to
include me. I have a lip and botox appointment that morning so I
unfortunately had to decline but I think I will find some time to make
one of these kind of days happen with her. She also bought an E Bike so I
need to find a day that I can load mine up on the car and go for a ride
with her. She is so funny. I ordered a chip and dip platter from her to
give to Katherine as a 'thanks for letting me serve with you' gift
since we will be released on Sunday from Primary. She is so looking
forward to a break! Her son and her ex are moving to Herriman (holy
crap...) and she is anxious and excited about all of that. I am glad
that she won't have a calling anytime soon so she can focus on her
relationship with her son and get herself grounded again.
I am planning on getting your contacts sent the first of the week. I
need to get a priority box and that is proving to be trickier than I
want to admit. I have tossed all my masks and when I stopped into the
post office yesterday to get one...no go. You are required to have a
mask to even enter the building. I guess I will be putting a mask back
in my car just for moments like this. So frustrating! Anyways, I am
sorry they didn't ship this week but I will get it out and on its way to
you this week. Anything else you can think of that you want me to send
your way? Let me know and I am happy to get it included.
Well, I guess I better end this so I can go curl Brooklyn's hair (that
means Cutler is headed to Herriman Days for sure with the group of
friends) and so I can keep on with what I have to take care of today as
well. And let's be honest...longest email ever and you are probably
bored out of your whole self. I love you. Thanks for letting me share
this crazy week with you. It looks like I have a new missionary email to
read as well (NUTS!) so...I can't wait to see you on Monday. Have the
best Saturday and Sunday. Know I love you and am here cheering you on
always.
Love you to the moon and back,
Mom
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| Some cold days this week (see the goosebumps) |
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|
When you get the feeling you should sit and send some letters in the mail… |
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| Oy...that's a lot of letters for a day |
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|
Back at a walk this morning. Early but it was nice to get out. |
