The 1st Day Home

Welcome home doesn't seem right...in fact it doesn't even really seem all that real to be 100% honest. I am still in a bit of shock that this photo was taken today and that you are HOME!

You did not sleep in today like I imagined you would after the last 2 days of traveling to get here. You were up early and as you came into the office it was this overwhelming sense of "what am I supposed to do?" that came over me. How was I going to help you transition to being an adult but  not a missionary full time anymore? You were at a loss. I could see it in your eyes. You were unsure, you were clearly missing Brazil, and you were trying to get your feet planted back in life. Never in a million years did I think that being home would be so unsettling for you. I even had to text Tyler and tell him how much my heart ached knowing that you were so uncomfortable. Not in a way that home was bad but that you had just been stripped from a very real life that was very different from what we know here.

This photo is really the first interaction you had with Teeter. You and her were getting to know one another as I sat and wondered how far to push you.  I wanted to hear all about anything you wanted to share but I was incredibly aware of just how torn your heart was too. I could see in your eyes that this just didn't feel right. 

I was grateful today that the task at hand was getting ready for Brynlee and Bryson's wedding. It was great to know that you had something that would keep you busy plus give you time to hang out with Brooklyn. You had an appointment for a spray tan, to get your hair trimmed up, and to get nails done too. I knew that you needed to stay busy after I watched as you spent your morning with eyes glazed over trying to re-acclimate as best you could in such a short window. 

I have never sent a missionary out before nor have I welcomed one home. I didn't know what to expect or what I thought life would look like with you home. What I am learning after today has played out however is that it is nothing like what I dreamed it would be. Both good and bad. Holy cow did my heart long to have you back home and it still is surreal that you are here. I figured in a way that life would go back to how things were before you left and that routines and days would look similar. The bad is that it is nothing like that. See...I sent out a young lady who was going to go and figure out this adult life without me tagging along. You went and you lived this life that I will never get the chance to live. You figured out how to live out of the country for heavens sake! You did this all and you did it all by yourself! You should be so dang proud of yourself! So when you came home, it wasn't this same young girl that left. Instead I was staring face to face an adult woman who is really quite rad. And as this adult, you don't need me like you used to before you left. You have been out making decisions and choices without me and you have crushed the heck out of all of it. I knew today that life wasn't going to be anything like what I remembered it to be like and even though it is sad and hard for me, I cannot wait to see what is next for you!

I pray you will find your feet under you again sooner than later and that life here at home will bring happiness and joy to you much like your time on your mission brought. I pray you will feel peace and a sense of belonging here like you have always had in the past. I hope that as you transition into this next stage of life you will lean on me to help carry any heavy you might find on your way. I pray you will always remember that I am here cheering you on and am and always will be, your #1 cheerleader in all things! You are amazing and this new stage of life is nothing but uphill from here. I am so proud of you and all you have done. I know you are going to continue to crush the heck out of whatever the future holds for you. 

I love you to the moon and back. More than you will ever know.

Mom